When Your Relationship Choices Are Killing You

When Your Relationship Choices Are Killing You (Literally)

Family, Dating and Relationships
February 8, 2016
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It’s February 8, which means that Valentine’s day is right around the corner. I’m not going to talk about how to stay out of the dumps if you’re still single and want to be married or at least “spoken for”. Because this year, I’m committed to talking about issues that will set women free. And this article is going to talk about a fictional character who is like so many of us – like YOU perhaps – and is lacking in self-love. Self-love is vital for survival, and living a vibrant life where you’re not hobbling in emotional pain. So here we go…

So I’m back on Being Mary Jane. Again, I stopped watching it after (I think) the first season. But when I saw the trailer for the new season my interest piqued for some reason. I’m glad I did watch the first few episodes because I had a few moments of relationship revelations. Yes, I had relationship revelations watching Being Mary Jane. And here’s why.

I first wrote about finding Mary Jane post-accident.

But what was the most haunting FOR ME was Lisa’s demise. Long story short, we find out through Mary Jane’s words about Lisa at the funeral that Lisa had been molested by her step-father for almost 10 years. Her mother knew about it but still chose this man over Lisa. So her mother then alowed this man to still have access to prey upon her child. And right before the funeral, her mother is most worried about what people will think if Mary Jane or the stepfather don’t attend the funeral.

I was too baffled to even make digs at her mother.

But let me dig at the situation further. Lisa killed herself. After being dogged out by Mary Jane AND Mary Jane’s mother for having a sexual encounter with Mary Jane’s ex-boyfriend. Not Mary Jane’s husband or current boyfriend – her ex-boyfriend. She calls Mary Jane repeatedly to talk to her but of course Mary Jane doesn’t answer. And who else did she have to reach out to? Not her mother and definitely not her stepfather. We also find out that she’d stopped talking to her mother and other family members. And judging by Mary Jane’s response to her earlier in that episode, Lisa probably didn’t have very many other friends who supported her.

What’s sad is that somehow Lisa still managed to become a successful doctor. But all that success didn’t mean too much. Lisa still didn’t have anyone in her life who cared enough to listen to her truth.

What really hit home for me is that Lisa’s voice was muted. And we’ll never know why she chose to kill herself because she was never allowed to speak her truth. She never gave herself permission to, either. In the end, maybe she couldn’t live with her truth anymore. And can you blame her? The women in Lisa’s life and family taught her that having even a bad man in their lives was most important than their relationship with her.

You may not have had something this drastic happen to you in childhood or beyond. You may have had something happen worse. Or, maybe you know someone this happened to and you can’t figure out why they can’t just get it together. Well, I chose to share Lisa’s story in this light for all the women who were told “You need to just let that go. That happened when you were a child” “Well, it could have been worse” “You need to stand up for yourself” “That couldn’t have been me” This is for these women because it’s time for THEM to acknowledge and share their truth. And they can’t do that unless they have the space in their life available to see their truth for what it really is.

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