Why Women Pursuing Men is NOT a Good Look

Family, Dating and Relationships
February 25, 2014
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“Is it okay to ask a man out or give him my number?”

I hear my single AND single Christian sisters ask this over and over. I want to hug them, take them by the shoulders and say firmly and clearly “No…no it’s not. Not if you want a husband who respects, appreciates and truly loves you”. It’s not okay because at the heart of that question is the heart of a woman who most likely feels she’s always attracting men she doesn’t want. Or she’s genuinely frustrated that men don’t approach her very often. Or she believes she isn’t good enough and somehow needs to prove that she is.

What I’m about to say is not meant to offend. I’m saying it out of love because early in my young adult years I wondered the same thing. I’ve had friends tell me within the past few years that it was absolutely, 100% okay to pursue a man. But at the end of the day, God snatched me up and kept me from going down that road. I’m glad he did, because women chasing men looks exactly like how I look in this picture trying to get “Boaz” to show me some love: crazy and out of order. So in the spirit of love and telling the truth in love, I want to share a few points to help you understand why pursuing a man is not God’s best for you.

1) The man is SUPPOSED to find you: I’m going to go old school on you. The BIBLE says that “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). I could be wrong, but I don’t recall any verses talking about how a woman receives favor, honor or anything like that by finding a husband. There’s a reason he’s supposed to find you. God put valuable things inside you that add to a man’s life so much that HE does well to marry YOU. To put it as one young lady told me “HELLO!!! I’M the catch!”

2) It makes you look desperate or “on the prowl”: One thing that actually makes men pursue you is a spirit of contentment. If you come across as so independent that you don’t need him, he may believe that and move on. But if the right man sees that you are content but inviting and open to the possibility of love and romance, he’ll investigate. And he’ll do it in a way that it will be clear what his intentions are. But if you exude desperation, he’ll most likely put you in a category of women you don’t want to be in…”booty call”, “plaything”, “easy”…and the list goes on.

3) If you are pursuing him, he most likely doesn’t take you seriously: Going back to Proverbs 18:22, it says that the MAN finds a WIFE. What I take away from that is if a woman carries herself as a wife, he’ll have no choice but to pursue her. And if he doesn’t…well, that’s his loss. I hear all the time from men I know personally and those I meet in passing (and being in the military has afforded me the opportunity to meet A LOT of men) how they really don’t have to do much to get sex or a few dates out of women who are considered to be a “catch”. That those same women wind up calling them all the time and sometimes even hounding them for sex. What I wish those women knew is that just because a particular man doesn’t pursue you, it doesn’t mean you’re any less valuable. And I know it’s 2014, but take it from someone who knows. Men who are genuinely interested in you, whether it be short-term or long term know what to do. They will call, take you out, stop by your job, and do things to cultivate your interest in them. Take it a step further…A man who knows you’re the one is NOT trying to let you get away. Just make sure that once you realize he could be the one, that you show interest and allow him to show you who he is.